psychosis by recreation

So I've apparently got a short fuse today. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Fuck it, the drawer can have my fucking dollar. I'm bad service, what the hell ever.

I am not in the fucking /mood/ for this.

Because I hold too much in fictional birthdays, randomly picked or not, and must do something for them.

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The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea.

So I'm cold.

This wouldn't be news if I hadn't been in a heated store for an hour.

Especially if /everything/, from tables, to /cold water/ didn't feel warm.

I'd be more concerned if I could think of anything other than alien viruses that make you cold so you'll try to warm up and they can use the heat to gestate.

I have a message to the universe: Fuck you. I am using this to my advantage.

I am going to move past upset and to pissed. If they'd given any other reason this wouldn't be the case, but it is so...I need to take advantage of it. I accept that this place is a lost cause, and I /will/ make my head accept that it's their loss. I will make a fucking resume and fill it with whatever fancy names I can think of for the tedious ass shit around here, and that I did for the lady before.

I will channel whoever the hell I have to to get through a damned interview, and I will keep it up until I don't freaking have to.

And I will gain whatever the hell inspiration from a quote in a Doctor Who novel that I damn well want to.

And I will likely lose all this pumpage by the time I get home, or tomorrow, or something, BUT THAT'S OKAY.

Internet
Memetic

Sovereign
Octavious
Rictor
Raven
Yam

Inflamed

Whistle
Infant
Seizure
Hysteria

Immigrant

Canola
Oil
Umbrella
Llama
Dilemma

Donkey
Orange

Scheme
Omen
Matter
Enterprise
Tiger
Hercules
Inner
Nigeria
Gnome

Ransom
Interstellar
Graphic
Higher
Titan

Fire
Orangutan
Rope

Otter
Night
Cantalope
Egg

I'm starting to think that they did have it all planned, but they weren't intelligent enough to stop and look at it and the characters and see if it made any sense with them. They became set pieces for the story, led along with each other at gunpoint.

The fact makes me lose any remaining respect I had for them.

I think I need to give up and just watch reality television.

Fiction's apparently too much for me to handle anymore.

Aaron hears something slam out in the bullpen before anything else, the familiar smack of flesh against solid. Of Derek's hand against his desk, though he doesn't place the sound immediately.

By the time he's stood up and gone to his desk, the younger man is already at his door. His expression is raw, eyes almost like wounds even as the rest of him gives off frustration, anger.

"/Hawaii/," he almost spits, low, and something in his voice breaks as Aaron notices the paper crumpled in his hand, fist balled so tight his nails dig into his hands through it. "They're shipping me off to /Hawaii/, Hotch"

Aaron supposed, almost blankly, that they couldn't think of anywhere further. It's a long moment of Derek just staring at him before he can try to form words, regardless of the excruciating deja vu. "I'll..." He started to say, but trailed off. He'd do what? He'd done everything when it had been Spencer, none of it had worked then, it wouldn't now.

Morgan saved him having to finish the sentence though, interrupts before he can try. Shakes his head as they stand exposed on the walkway. "No. You won't do anything. You're going to keep trying to get them to get the kid transfered back here, do you hear me?"

One thing at a time, that's how they had to take it. He didn't want to go, /god/ he didn't want to go, but it still wasn't the biggest thing they had to worry about just then.

"Morgan..." The name is soft, but there's no real protest in it. "I don't want..."

"I don't want to go, either." He took a step back though, away from the office, from Aaron, like he didn't trust him. Or maybe like he didn't trust himself.

It hurts, almost more than the rest of the helpless he'd been lately. The fact that they were sending him away and there was nothing that he could do to stop it. That they were taking away his ability to even just be there.

Once he's actually gone Aaron can't meet Derek's eyes, half afraid to find the blame there even as he meets him for working late. Even when he migrated eventually to the couch in his office, said nothing but just /waited/.

When he finally gives in and goes home, he's there too. Still, they say nothing, and it's not until he's gotten into bed that Morgan kisses him. Half surprises him by laying close, and he returns it, settles in.

"He should be here." Morgan mutters soft, like the fact it is.

"We'll get him back." Someone says, and neither is quite sure which, they just know it's far less sure of a response, as much as they don't want it to be.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

God do I freaking fail, just...what the fuck self. I..

I fucking hate my phone, the internet, just...everything.

So my birthday came and went. I'm 20. Woohoo. (Or rather, not, thanks.)

I think the day could have sucked harder if it tried. I mean, none of the dryers caught fire. I do think it probably goes down in the record books though.

I have internet back though, so..whatever. Even if the internet is not playing along with my random urge to buy overpriced pretty. No self-gifting I guess.

I could do to learn to keep my moods to myself though.

Today is really shaping up. Got woke up at 10 by freaking screaming and cursing downstairs that didn't end for almost half an hour. Got woken up again half an hour after that by a call saying I have to come look and see what the hell my Grandfather ended up doing to the computer, but had some time there, so I went back to sleep. For less than half anWe can all guess how that happened hour, when I got a call again, this time asking me to come into work tonight. We can all guess what happened after that, I'm sure. Still had time though so, once more, I tried to get some more sleep. Just to get woken up again to watch my brother. I give the fuck up.

Also, yeah, this will be fun, working 22 hours out of the next 60. And I haven't been fully awake since Saturday. Yeah, this will be fun

But I guess, y'know, not like I could have been allowed to watch Leverage in peace.